Monday, July 13, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."
"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!' ? It would make me feel so much better."
"Sure," answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.
"How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, "No." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long now."
Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Monica, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gum purchased. The mother said serenely, "Monica, we'll be through this check out stand in 5 minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Monica," he began.
The mother replied, "I'm Monica - my little girl's name is Tammy."
Ingredients:
* 3/4 cup (1-1/2 sticks) butter or margarine, softened
* 1-3/4 cups sugar
* 2 eggs
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
* 2 cups all-purpose flour
* 3/4 cup HERSHEY'S Cocoa or HERSHEY'S SPECIAL DARK Cocoa
* 1-1/4 teaspoons baking soda
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 1-1/3 cups water
* ONE-BOWL BUTTERCREAM FROSTING or FLUFFY PEANUT BUTTER FROSTING(recipes follow)
Directions:
1. Heat oven to 350°F. Grease and flour two 8-or 9-inch round baking pans.
2. Beat butter and sugar in large bowl until fluffy. Add eggs and vanilla; beat 1 minute on medium speed of mixer. Stir together flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt; add alternately with water to butter mixture, beating until well blended. Pour batter into prepared pans.
3. Bake 35 to 40 minutes for 8-inch layers; 30 to 35 minutes for 9-inch layers or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks. Cool completely.
4. Frost with ONE-BOWL BUTTERCREAM FROSTING or FLUFFY PEANUT BUTTER FROSTING. 8 to 10 servings.
ONE-BOWL BUTTERCREAM FROSTING
6 tablespoons butter or margarine, softened
2-2/3 cups powdered sugar
1/2 cup HERSHEY'S Cocoa or HERSHEY'S SPECIAL DARK Cocoa
1/3 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Beat butter in medium bowl. Add powdered sugar and cocoa alternately with milk; beat to spreading consistency (additional milk may be needed). Stir in vanilla. About 2 cups frosting.
Tell us how you like it! We have never made it!!!!!!! :):):):)
These sweet pinwheels are made by twisting up cinnamon and sugar inside a flour tortilla. When heated, the filling oozes into the dough, creating a comforting snack that is best when accompanied by a glass of cold milk.
RECIPE INGREDIENTS:
1 tsp. cinnamon
1 tbsp. sugar
Two 6 inch flour tortillas
2 tbsp. melted butter
1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Combine the cinnamon and sugar in a small bowl. Spread out the tortillas on a flat surface and brush with the melted butter. Sprinkle half of the cinnamon and sugar mixture over each. Roll up the tortillas, jelly roll fashion, and set them seamside down in a small baking pan that has been brushed with melted butter. Brush the tops and sides with butter. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes. Cool the rolls and slice them into 1/2 inch pieces. Makes 2 servings.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Dumb Inventions
Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses
Wooden soap
Solar powered flashlight
Screen window for a submarine
Helicopter with an injection seat
Inflatable dart board
A tape on how to put together a vcr
The water proof tea bag
Water proof towel
A book on how to read
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal-powered wheel chair
Patricia Whack
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from
the teller's name plate that her name is "Patricia Whack".
So he says: "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go
on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to
borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says
that his name is Kermit Jagger and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he
will need to secure some collateral against the loan.
She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says,
"Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about
half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the
manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says: "There's a frog called
Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow
$30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny
pink elephant saying. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
(Are you ready . . .)
(Hang on to something . . .)
So the bank manager looks back at her and says:
"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan.
His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Near Death Experience
I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. The other day, I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse starts bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot gets caught in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Walmart manager came and unplugged it. Thank goodness for heroes.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Awful 4-Letter Words
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.
"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He's been saying things I've never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mama!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mama!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, mama...words like dust, wash, iron, and cook..."
The Wife
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
"Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.
"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"He said you're going to die," she replied.Chocolate Ice Cream
A man approaches an ice cream van and asks, "I'd like two scoops of chocolate ice cream, please."
The girl behind the counter replied, "I'm very sorry, sir, but our delivery didn't come this morning. We're out of chocolate."
"In that case," the man continued, "I'll have two scoops of chocolate ice cream."
"You don't understand, sir," the girl says. "We have no chocolate."
"Then just give me some chocolate," he insists.
Getting angrier by the second, the girl asked, "Sir, will you spell 'van,' as in 'vanilla?'"
The man spells, "V A N."
"Now spell 'straw,' as in 'strawberry.'"
"OK. S-T-R-A-W."
"Now," the girl asked, "spell 'stink,' as in chocolate."
The man hesitates, then confused, replied, "There is no stink in chocolate."
"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" she screams.Set it Free
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If it just sits in your living room and messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place -- you either married it or gave birth to it!Dumb
There were these two professors arguing over which one had the dumber child. Each professor thought his was the bigger idiot. The first professor yells "There is no way that your son is dumber. My son has to be THE stupidest kid on Earth."
The second professor says "No way, Jose. My son is the bigger idiot."
The first professor says "Let me prove it to you. Hey Jake! (Jake runs to his father) I don't know if I left myself at the office or not. Would you run there and find out. If I'm there then tell me to come home and eat dinner."
The son says, gleefully, "Sure dad" and runs off.
The second professor not to be outdone says "Oh Yea! Watch this! Hey Sam! Come here! (Sam runs to his father) Here are two pennies. With one penny buy a car and the other buy a microwave."
Sam says "OK." and leaves. The professors keep arguing.
Jay and Sam meet in the street. And they start arguing which one has the dumber father. Jay says, "Well listen. My father told me to find out if he is at the office or not. Well all he had to do was to call the office and find out himself. Two minutes and he would be done. That is stupid if I've ever heard it."
Sam says "Well that is nothing. My dad told me to buy a car with one penny and a microwave with the other. But he didn't tell me which penny was for the car and which one is for the microwave."Lifeboat
After a ship sank in the ocean, three men ended up stranded in a lifeboat. They floated around for days without food or water. One afternoon a bottle floated up to the boat. The men grabbed the bottle and when
they pulled the cork out of the bottle, a genie appeared.
'I'll grant each of you a single wish,' said the genie.
'I wish I was home,' said the first man. Then, poof! he disappeared.
'I wish I was home, too,' said the second man. Poof! He disappeared too.
The third man looked around. 'Gee, I'm kind of lonely,' he said. 'I wish my friends were here with me.'The Mistake Test
See if you can do this. Read each line aloud without making any mistakes. If you make a mistake you MUST start over or it won't work.
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is moron cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Monday, June 1, 2009
Mama Cow Joke
And the mama cow said, "Well sweetie, when you were born, a daisy fell on your head."
And the first baby cow trotted off, satisfied.
The next day, they were all out in the field again. The second baby cow came up to the mama cow and said, "Mama, why is my name Tulip?"
"Well, honey, when you were born a tulip fell on your head."
And the baby cow was happy with that answer and continued grazing.
The next day, they all went out into the field again to graze. The third baby cow came up to the mama cow and said,
"GLUPHABABABLUGHARDTHYPOGHHH!!!"
And the mama cow said,
"SHUT UP BRICK!!!"
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Hannah vs Miley !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1. Mostly little kids like Hannah Montana even though it was originally aimed for teens!
2. Hannah wears FREAKY clothes and sometimes she has strange little gems by her eyes.
3. Miley has some very strange pics on the internet.
4. Usually Miley looks more natural then Hannah.
5. Miley's hair is real.
6. She is way to popular.
☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺ ♥♥ ☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺
We are the Glitter Gloss Girls!!!!
-Glitter Gloss Girls